3:09am

Finally had a mental break down tonight.

I don’t think i’ve cried like that in a long time.

My body felt like it’s been slowly rotting these past few weeks. Even though i was eating alot, i lost weight and i felt drained and exhausted all the time, my head felt hot and pulsated with pain. I was so angry at everyone and so sick of everything.  I really didn’t know what was wrong with me.

It was good to finally let it all out…I’ve felt so lonely having to bear all this pain by myself, pretending that i was a mature woman and that everything was going alright when it really wasn’t. I think this is the first time that i’ve had a mental breakdown IN FRONT of someone. It was embarrassing to let someone see such an ugly side of me, to let such an uncomposed side of me being revealed… but I’m glad i talked to Lou Gavin about it. The lace veil that was hiding my true face had to be ripped off and burned. It was good to know that i wasn’t the only one who was feeling this way, to have someone listen to me and truly understand… 

I feel like a demon has been exorcized out of me and that i’ve been cleansed.

I think i will spend this weekend re-arranging my room to how it was back when i was in high school; when i was confident, bright-eyed, and in love with the world.